The Loop Newspaper - Tehachapi's Online Community News & Entertainment Guide

By Mel White 

Christmas giggles (and groans)

On the Bright Side

 

December 22, 2018

Mel White

Just in case you need a little levity as you celebrate the Christmas holiday, here are a few Christmas giggles... and a few groaners:

A small cute little boy regularly went to Sunday school where he learned stories from the Bible. One Sunday he heard the story of Three Wise Men guided by the Holy Star. His version of the story, which he told his parents after returning home, was as follows: "On the first Christmas, there was no Santa. So, three men had to deliver toys to baby Christ on camels. Since, they didn't have Rudolph's red nose to guide them, they used a spotlight in the sky to guide them around."

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? (Frostbite)

What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? (A list of everything you want!)

Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous? (Holly-wood)

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? ("It's Christmas, Eve.")

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? (Because he had low elf esteem.)

Christmas is in my heart 12 months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement 12 months a year, also.

The three phrases that best sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men and Batteries not included.

Two foolish friends were searching for a suitable Christmas tree for their homes in frozen woods. After hours of harsh cold weather and exhausting but fruitless search, the first one said to another, "Let's just hack any tree we get, whether it's decorated or not!"

What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas? (Unwrap)

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? (The Christmas alphabet has No-el.)

What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? (Elfis)

Where does Santa keep all his money? (At the local snow bank)

Why don't crabs celebrate Christmas? (Because they're shell-fish)

What's every parent's favorite Christmas Carol? ("Silent Night")

Why is Santa kind of scared of chimneys? (Because he's so claus-trophobic.)

What do elves learn in school? (The elfa-bet)

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party? (He had no body to go with.)

What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day? (Sandyclaws)

What part of the body do you only see around Christmas? (The mistletoe)

What do you get when you deep fry Santa? (Crisp Cringle)

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad? (A pineapple!)

And a Christmas poem by my grandmother, circa 1975:

A Christmas Prayer

by Josephine Larimer

Time has come again when our thoughts and minds

are on the most blessed season of the whole year...

Time when we can show our love to our loved ones, our dear friends,

and even to a stranger who may pass our way.

Dear Lord, fill our hearts so full of your great love

that we will be able to share it with others who are less fortunate.

© Copyright 2018 Mel White. Mel, local writer/photographer and co-owner of the Treasure Trove, has been looking on the bright side or various publications since 1996. She wishes you all a very merry and cheerful Christmas Day, and she welcomes your comments at morningland@msn.com.

 
 

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