Author photo

By Mel Makaw
contributing writer 

Another pun-filled day

On the Bright Side


December 3, 2022

Mel Makaw.

I'm lousy at making up puns, but I love to hear or read them. Here are more fun puns I've come across in the last few months – feel free to use them for grins and groans at your upcoming holiday parties:

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Last night I had a date with a ghost. I knew it the moment she walked through the door.

"That's the last time I pet a lion," Tom said offhandedly.

Raining cats and dogs isn't as bad as hailing taxis.

I was watching an Australian cooking show, and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue. I was surprised. Usually Australians boo meringue.

She was reading an incredibly interesting book on anti-gravity. She just couldn't put it down.

People are often shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

"And for our next band, please welcome The Subtractions. Take it away boys!"

I wanted to work at the photo shop, but nothing ever developed.

The doctor chose to mend his own wound and his nurse agreed, saying "Suture-self."

I had an interview yesterday for a job as a construction worker. I nailed it.

I recently developed a phobia of speed bumps, but don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.

Yesterday I ate a clock; it was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

I was bitten by a venomous snake once. Fortunately, my aunt loves me very much and gave me a bunch of money, cookies, and gifts. I was so thankful to have the auntie dote.

My friend said he didn't understand cloning. I said, "That makes two of us."

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

I'm starting a business to teach short people math. It's called Making the Little Things Count.

Little known fact – Captain Hook bought his hook from a secondhand store.

When people are sad, I let them color in my tattoos. Sometimes all they need is a shoulder to crayon.

I told my cat I'd teach him how to speak English. He looked at me and said, "Me? How?"

A writer has been accused of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.

I accidentally drank a bottle of disappearing ink. Now I'm sitting in the emergency room waiting to be seen.

I tripped and hit my head on a snare drum and now I think I have a percussion.

A huge stack of toilet paper fell on me in the supermarket. I'm okay though, just soft tissue damage.

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. When he started to swing the ax, the tree shouted, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!" To which the lumberjack smiled and said, "And you will dialogue."

And lastly, someone stole my mood ring, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Have a happy pun-filled day.

© 2022 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer and photographer, has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996. She welcomes your comments at


Powered by ROAR Online Publication Software from Lions Light Corporation
© Copyright 2024