The Loop Newspaper - Tehachapi's Online Community News & Entertainment Guide

By Mel White 

Learning and laughing with Mom

On the Bright Side


Some years ago I shared a funny email with my mother titled "Things my mother taught me." She laughed as hard as I did because, after all, mothers are also daughters (my mother had the same sort of wonderful relationship with my grandmother that I had with her, and she learned the same lessons from her mother).

And because I enjoyed the lessons I was taught, and I remember so fondly laughing with my own mother about this list, I want to share it once again with all of you in honor of the upcoming Mother's Day:

Things my mother taught me...

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done when she said to me, "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside; I just finished cleaning in here."

My mother taught me religion when she said to me, "You better pray that comes out of the carpet!"

My mother taught me about time travel when she said, "If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me logic when she said, "Because I said so, that's why." And more about logic when she said, "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me foresight when she said, "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me irony when she said, "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis when she said, "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."

My mother taught me about contortionism when she said, "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about stamina when she said, "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about weather when she said, "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy when she said, "If I told you once, I've told you a million times – don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about the circle of life when she said, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it."

My mother taught me behavior modification when she said, "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about envy when she said, "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about anticipation when she said, "Just wait until we get home;" and about receiving when she said, "You're going to get it when we get home."

My mother taught me about medical science when she said, "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me ESP when she said, "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me how to become an adult when she said, "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me genetics when she said, "You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my roots when she said, "Shut that door behind you – do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me humor when she said, "When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me wisdom when she said, "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And finally, my mother taught me about justice when she said, "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

So there you have it – how mothers teach their young.

And what I particularly enjoy about this piece is that everyone who reads it, of any age or gender, of any race or religion or nationality, will be able to identify with most of it, making the "things my mother taught me" a truly shared and universal experience.

Happy Mother's Day.

© Copyright 2018 Marilda Mel White. Mel White, local writer and photographer, has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996; she welcomes your comments at


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